Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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