Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
