Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
