A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am full of burrito and curiosity
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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