You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
