oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
