we're chasing vodka with high fives
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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