he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
