Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
