You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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