He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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