She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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