No stitches, just platelets and will power
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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