maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
