I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
