that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
