Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
