I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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