I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
