My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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