Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
