Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
