Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
