there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
