My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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