Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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