Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The best revenge is premature balding
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
