lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
