Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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