Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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