he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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