I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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