You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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