There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
