I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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