Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
love makes seman taste better
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
