Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
