If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
