then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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