I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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