I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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