Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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