Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
