She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
