BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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