My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
