so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
