Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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