You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
