i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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