dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
