I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize