Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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