I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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