how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
