There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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