Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
