9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
