I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
