Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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