ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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