Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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