i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
